Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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