Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
