there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
