tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
