I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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