sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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