you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
