Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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