My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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