paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
