you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
