the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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