weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
