I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
