NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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