Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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