I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
