oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
