I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
