dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
