i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
