I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday