Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.