So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.