I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man