you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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