so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
