Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We talked him into tasing himself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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