thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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