Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need water and some morals
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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