Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
