just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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