I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
