Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
