these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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