why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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