I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
