I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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