I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
