You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
