lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
