Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize