a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
