did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
