My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
