You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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