The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
