I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
