Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
