You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
