this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
