That's intense
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
