It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
