Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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