Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
