So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
