Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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