i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
