My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
