I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
