the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
