Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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