i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
