So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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