i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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