i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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