im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
