i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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