Sry I called you an 8
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
