Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
