And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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