Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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