Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
