my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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