winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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