I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
