I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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